Friday, November 20, 2009

compromise

Hubby and I have an ongoing domestic battle: the dishes. We both hate...despise...dread doing the dishes. Sometimes it will get to the point that our dirty dishes will sit there for weeks and finally my mother will come over to visit and say "What on earth is that smell?!". This seemed to be a persistent problem when we lived in our apartment for the first year of our marriage, but neither one of us cared too much because our apartment was small and undecorated and awful. But we have now been in our brand new house for nearly a month. And we are finally using my brand new dishes (the Good Earth pottery) that were wedding presents which I saved for an entire year because I did not want to use them in the apartment. And so, my brand new dishes are sitting on my brand new granite countertops in my brand new home because Hubby and I are both too lazy/stubborn to do anything about it. So this all leads up to two days ago, when I finally caved in and decided to do the dishes (I'll give credit where credit's due - Hubby did the dishes 80% of the time in our apartment). So I cook dinner, scrub the dishes and load them into the dishwasher. I distinctly remember Hubby agreeing to finish the rest of the dishes (oh yes, there were tons) since I cooked dinner and did an entire load. Hubby distinctly remembers saying no such thing. And so the bickering goes round and round. And the dishes are still piling up. Well, this gets even better...so Hubby decides to surprise me with doughnuts this morning for breakfast. I never have time to eat breakfast in the morning as I wake up withjustenough time to get ready, so this was a welcome surprise. He was trying to score "points" so he doesn't have to do the dishes. Let me explain: in our house, it's all about being "fair" and "even"....he does one thing, and then I'll do one thing. He sweeps, I mop. He waters the grass, I mail the bills, and the list goes on. I am now sitting here three hours later and it finally hits me -- just do the dishes, stupid! It's not about being fair, it's about not being lazy. It's about taking one for the team and expecting nothing in return. So I will do the dishes - all of them. I will water the grass, make the bed, sweep the floors...and do the dishes. I always tell him "marriage is about compromise!" and this whole time I have been selfishly uncompromising. I know that I have to start this merry go-round, and that once I start compromising, he will too. Eventually, it will turn into a circle of compromise (like that analogy?). Please don't judge. We are taking this marriage thing one day at a time. And I am loving every day :)

3 comments:

Lil' Woman said...

I hate dishes too! :)

elainaann said...

I just discovered your blog through another blog and I just had to say that this post could have been written for my blog as well. It is my husband and I to a tee. Dishes are definitely our least favorite. Sadly, we tend to do dishes when there is absolutely nothing left that we can cook in or eat on. Glad to know that we are not alone. :)

Sarah Denley said...

No judgment. We're all figuring things out. Marriage isn't always easy. But so worth it. I think that's the case with most good things in life.